A girl's gotta eat, right?

Okay, let's face it - sex can be exhausting! For the guys the stressful part often is over after courtship and the actual act but if that was "successful" it's only beginning for the ladies - at least when they practice internal fertilization, egg-squirting fish are fine here. So when you have to nourish eggs or young it just makes sense to get a good protein-rich meal before, after or even during sex. And that's why female mosquitoes suck blood while the males are content with sugary plant juices. It is also why in some insects only female adults eat at all while the males prefer to be better flyers with an air-filled intestine.

But of course it would be much nicer if the guy invited her to dinner before having fun with her, right? It often works that way with humans, I've been told, and many animal suitors actually do bring a tasty mating gift, too. Well, actually, some females seem to have noticed, they all do... At least when you are carnivorous and larger than him. And that is why many spider males are very careful when they approach their desired mate as they always have to wonder - horny or hungry? And of course, there is always the risk of her being both and eating you afterwards, getting the love and the meal - yes, I'm looking at you, black widow!

So while a bit of sexy cannibalism seems to be a good deal for the female, why do male animals risk getting eaten? Well, that might be very simple - sex means possibly getting eaten but no sex means no offspring, so the overcautious ones might be extinct very fast. But... this isn't the whole story. Because sometimes getting eaten might be the best thing that can happen to you - well to your genes of course as you will be eaten. But your offspring might have a better start due to their well-fed mother. So if your chances are slim of finding another mate investing everything, really everything in that one chance may be your best bet. And there are animals that seem to have perfected that investment!

In preying mantises sexual cannibalism isn't as prevalent in the wild as it is in captive conditions but it does occur in up to a third of matings. And as the head of the male is what she can reach it gets eaten first - and that makes the male mate more enthusiastically. Because, in mantises, the lower body controls the thrusts and the brain actually slows things down, so when you bite off the head, the rest of the body makes sure that in this act it gives everything it can. Well, it's the last chance, so that does make sense. But there is always someone topping that... Australian Redback spider males actually bend towards their mates after copulating, offering their abdomen as a snack. And those that get eaten have more offspring in the end...

Of course, some ladies know how tasty a mate can be but do have the courtesy not to eat the father of their children. Where several species of North American fireflies occur in the same region, females and males use different codes of flashes to attract partners of the right species. And some females switch the code they flash after mating to attract other males as a post-coital snack. It may not surprise you that the male fireflies tend to approach every apparent sexy female quite carefully...

So, guys - the next time a woman looks at you lusting, licking her lips - just make sure, you impregnate her before she bites off your head! It may not safe your life and your sons and grandsons might inherit your suicidal sex drive but at least there might be many of them...

Further reading: Sexual cannibalism (Wikipedia)

Unexpected romance in the realm of insects

Okay, we have to talk. About termites. Gay termites, actually. Well, let me give you a short reminder on how termites usually live. A termite hive has a female that lays the eggs, called the queen and her offspring make up the worker and soldier castes of the hive. Sounds similar to ants and bees so far but there are some striking differences! One of these is that termites are way ahead in terms of equal rights than those matriarchal hymenopteres - not only are their worker and soldier castes made up by female and male animals, their mating also doesn't end in the males dying. Actually, the female and male don't mate during their nuptial flight but just meet there, then they build a shelter together and here they mate and raise their first children, relying on them for the further growth of the colony while queen and king live as a happy couple, producing more and more termites.

The hive may hide unexpected drama...

But what happens when fertile males don't find a female during their mating flight? Well, usually they have to die alone but at least in some termite species they found an alternative strategy - if they meet another lonely male they stop looking for a female, build a shelter and live together there. They even mate and as their mating behavior is different than that they use with females, you could consider that genuine gay insect sex and not just a desperate error.

"But..." you may ask "why? Aren't only those genes successful that lead to reproduction? How could specific gay behavior arise in insects? Is this finally proof of a gay creator?" Well, no, it isn't. Actually there seem to be some real benefits to having a gay relationship when you are a termite. The first is that termites in gay couples live much longer than those who struggle on their own. And sometimes the gay couples are able to take over a nearby hive, killing the king and one of them becomes the new king - the other one, well... maybe he can take over one day when his former gay lover dies...

It therefore seems that forming a gay couple is a good strategy, since even though your chances of one day taking over a colony may be very low, your chances of survival on your own are even lower. So the next time you meet some conservative parents who complain about their son's plans to move in with his boyfriend, just sneer at their lack of understanding on how to make it to the ranks of royalty!

Further reading: Male same-sex pairing as an adaptive strategy for future reproduction in termites (Mizumoto et al., Animal behavior, 2016)

The heartbreaking truth about tentacle monsters

Okay, let's start right away with something really naughty - tentacle sex! Some of you may have heard about that as a staple of weird Japanese animated erotica - and actually Wikipedia tells me that there are Japanese paintings of women and octopi getting naughty dating to the 19th century. Apparently that was supposed to circumvent censorship which prohibited obscenities. Yeah, that seems to make sense...

Tentacly, but not a monster!

Anyway, let's get to the real tentacle sex, shall we? Enter the cephalopods, i.e. squids and octopi - yes, they actually do have sex with their tentacles! Who knew you could actually learn something from weird 19th century Japanese porn? Actually the males have one or two special tentacles (called hectocotyli) which are used to store the sperm and transfer it to the female. Okay, for all of you who didn't really get that: The male octopus masturbates into his hand and then fingers (tentacles?) his mate to deliver the sperm. And when you think that this is strange, enter the argonauts: a group of octopi with a shell, where the males are much smaller than the females and actually detach their hectocotylus during mating and the tentacle actively swims into the female. And if you didn't really get that - let me describe it in other words: They masturbate into their hand, finger their girl and then lose the arm which is having the actual sex...So the next time someone tries to chat you up in a shady bar and tells you "Hey, baby - let me be your argonaut!" you'll know, that this guy is willing to make a sacrifice!

Then again, sex for cephalopods usually is quite exhausting and often ends in them dying afterwards, so losing your arm before death might not be that big of a sacrifice. But when it comes to octopi the story gets really heartbreaking. The female lays her eggs in a cave where they hang from the ceiling like grapes and guards them, not leaving them and waving fresh water at them until they hatch and their exhausted mother dies as her babies swim into the ocean.

And that's the real, weird, and dramatic story about tentacle sex. So the next time someone questions your choice in Japanese animated movies, just tell them that you despise those shallow Hollywood love stories and that you are looking for lovers who show real dedication!

Further reading: Hectocotylus (Wikipedia)