The heartbreaking truth about tentacle monsters

Okay, let's start right away with something really naughty - tentacle sex! Some of you may have heard about that as a staple of weird Japanese animated erotica - and actually Wikipedia tells me that there are Japanese paintings of women and octopi getting naughty dating to the 19th century. Apparently that was supposed to circumvent censorship which prohibited obscenities. Yeah, that seems to make sense...

Tentacly, but not a monster!

Anyway, let's get to the real tentacle sex, shall we? Enter the cephalopods, i.e. squids and octopi - yes, they actually do have sex with their tentacles! Who knew you could actually learn something from weird 19th century Japanese porn? Actually the males have one or two special tentacles (called hectocotyli) which are used to store the sperm and transfer it to the female. Okay, for all of you who didn't really get that: The male octopus masturbates into his hand and then fingers (tentacles?) his mate to deliver the sperm. And when you think that this is strange, enter the argonauts: a group of octopi with a shell, where the males are much smaller than the females and actually detach their hectocotylus during mating and the tentacle actively swims into the female. And if you didn't really get that - let me describe it in other words: They masturbate into their hand, finger their girl and then lose the arm which is having the actual sex...So the next time someone tries to chat you up in a shady bar and tells you "Hey, baby - let me be your argonaut!" you'll know, that this guy is willing to make a sacrifice!

Then again, sex for cephalopods usually is quite exhausting and often ends in them dying afterwards, so losing your arm before death might not be that big of a sacrifice. But when it comes to octopi the story gets really heartbreaking. The female lays her eggs in a cave where they hang from the ceiling like grapes and guards them, not leaving them and waving fresh water at them until they hatch and their exhausted mother dies as her babies swim into the ocean.

And that's the real, weird, and dramatic story about tentacle sex. So the next time someone questions your choice in Japanese animated movies, just tell them that you despise those shallow Hollywood love stories and that you are looking for lovers who show real dedication!

Further reading: Hectocotylus (Wikipedia)